I haven't posted in eons, because I've been busy practicing my nostril flaring in the bathroom mirror. I figure it's important to know how to give a really good nostril flare....you know, just make the old honker throb for a while to stay intense and limber. There is so much to comment on that I don't know where to start, or even where to finish or stop for a pee break or what-have-you. Here goes.
Hillary Clinton is going to be the Democratic nominee, and this fills me with a nameless dread. Why? Well, her chief P.R. hack is the same guy who's advising Eric Prince, CEO of Blackwater. I rest my case. I'm sure the right will cart out the usual dreck about how she's a crazy tax raising liberal, but she's so in bed with Corporate power and globalization and privatized healthcare that calling her a liberal is a, like, total misnomer dude. Regarding her proposed healthcare plan, I believe that it functions through standardization and tax breaks. It is certainly not "socialized medicine" as the wingnuts would have you believe. It would probably be an improvement, much like a blow to the head from a small rock would be an improvement over a blow to the head from a larger one. Dennis Kucinich is the only candidate proposing a comprehensive universal healthcare plan, and the media keeps him around for comedic purposes only.
Condoleeza Rice ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange is an image that haunts my dreams. Wearing a sensible suit of earthtones, she grinned maniacally as she rang-dang-a-langed. Witnessing this tableau, I could not help but entertain beliefs that maybe Wall Street really is run by the CIA and maybe Paul Wellstone was murdered, etc. How appropriate, though. Good old 'Doleeza ringing that bell. What other image do you need? It's all right there. All those wicked suits applauding like unthinking rubes as she rings that goddamn bell. Jesus!
I bought a xylophone. This is very exciting for me. Here's my favorite thing about the xylophone: the notes are written on the keys. Clearly intended for those disinclined to commit things to memory, like me. I've never played percussion before and frankly I don't know how great I am at it. I'm trying, dammit. Shortly after I bought it I realized something: the xylophone is not a cool instrument. Other instruments, like guitar and all that, are, you know, cool. Not so with xylophone. The xylophone is not a "pussy magnet", as the kids say. Just YouTube search xylophone players and you will see a homely, awkward lot beating out ragtime melodies without meeting the audience's gaze. You never think of hotshot xylophone players, spinning their mallets and striking cocky poses. I hope to change this.
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4 comments:
Well, it's good to have you back. We were gonna have to change the name of your blog from Daily Rhetoric to Every Couple Months Rhetoric! But all seriousness aside, I wouldn't vote for Hillary if this was a communist state and she was the only name on the ballot. I'm impressed with her intellect, but not for president, not at this time, no way Jose.
The only good thing is that if she were ever elected, it would be the right wing's absolute worst nightmare. Let's see if the wingnuts who are all so gung-ho for warrantless wiretapping, etc., feel the same way when Hillary is pulling the strings. Methinks not.
I guess you could also say the same thing about Condi. Before 9/11, I thought to myself: sure, she's a tool of the Bushes, but she is kind of impressive. Now 7 years later we see her more accurately, and it's not pretty on many a level. How she got promoted after we were attacked on her watch basically is beyond the pale.
So we can expect some wicked xylophone solos from you posted on Youtube in the near future. I'll be right there playing air xylophone in the background.
Yes! I will be playing scorchingly fast jazz solos just as soon as I master proper mallet grip.
Regarding Hillary, I hafta say that we're two months away from the first primary and this whole prostitution They so obscenely call a campaign has left not only a bad taste in my mouth, but a sticky film in my mouth and bits of irritating pulp between my teeth. And a steaming pile of shit on my doorstep. Why oh why is she already the nominee? Practically anyways. The media narrative is in: she's the "inevitable" nominee! ie: don't even bothering to vote for any of those other losers! It's over man! Even though it's, uh, October. The whole framing of this election already reeks like a corpse.
But there's good news: something like half of poll respondents couldn't name a single GOP candidate! Bwahaha!
That's not saying a whole lot. I'm sure half of poll respondants couldn't find their own state on a map. Of their own state. I think if Hillary is the democratic nominee I'd have no choice but to write in Pete Yorn as my president of choice. It's the only way it all makes sense.
As far as the xylophone goes, if there's not a shot of you with flaming mallets spitting blood as you hammer out a lilting version of Enter Sandman, I will be depressed forever.
Welcome back! The last time we spoke was a strange time indeed! Britney Spears still had full custody of her kids and Stephen Colbert is running for president(maybe... I don't know).
Xylophones are awesome! There is a new series of albums called "Rockabye Baby!" where musicians modify songs from your favorite bands! Those noisy electric guitars and loud drums are replaced with soothing sounds like the xylophone, harp, and many more! The albums include Tool, Led Zepplin, Nine Inch Nails, and Radiohead to name a few.
I'm going to put little Jacob down for a nap. He can sleep in heavenly peace while listening to the lullaby version of "Closer". God bless
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